Last night I read two chapters of Dale Carnegie’s How to Stop Worrying and Start Living: “Co-operate with the Inevitable” and “Put a ‘Stop-Loss’ Order on Your Worries.” They helped me a lot. I instantly realized that I was rebelling against Ukraine. Maybe I had sound reasons for doing so, maybe people here have done me wrong from time to time, but that all doesn’t matter because I am powerless to change Ukraine – I can only change myself, for worse or for better. Given this reality, I might as well learn to live with things the way they are. Rebellion – manifest in my instinctive aversion for all things Ukrainian – was turning me into a neurotic ball of stress.
When I decided that I was going to stop rebelling, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I felt for the first time in a while that I had the resources to cope with thirty-six more days here. But why stop at coping? Why not soar? No reason why I can’t do that. What’s more, I won’t be a bitter wreck upon my return to Canada and a pain to be around.
As for the second chapter I read, it helped me realize that I’ve been worrying about social things too much. Frankly, having a Ukrainian girlfriend is just not worth the amount of worry I’ve given it. Perhaps I put more pressure on myself than usual because other people expected it to be so easy. In Canada, I had pretty much stopped worrying about girls (at least in my idealized “Canada is the land of Milk and Honey” view – I probably also had 150 lbs. of muscle and the ability to fly), so why didn’t I carry this peace of mind to Ukraine with me? So from now on I’m not going to worry about girls, either.
Between my decisions not to rebel (consciously or subconsciously) and to stop worrying about girls, there may not be much left for me to write about!
The NetCorps team is coming tonight, though. That’ll be worth at least an entry. No, wait, they’re not coming tonight. Tomorrow. At least they’re coming; my team got shipped off to Poland!