William Matheson (nova_one) wrote,
William Matheson

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8 pack of dry ice, no place to go...

Woah. Just finished the SMUDS production of Murder for One. That's it, it's over. Sarah Ritcey, the most beautiful and nicest woman in the world, working the functions bar, said I did a good job. And other people said that, too. And also about other people. And us about each other. It was a good show.

'Couse, I was expecting a party, right? And so were the rest of us. But lots of people had to like, do stuff. What a bummer. When I was in The Crucible, we had this epic cast party at the Bermudan guys' house. It was this crazy house, it was like half a house and had a total floor area of, say, one of the ME computer labs, but it had two stories. There are bigger Winnebagos than that house. Anyway, I just remember the house, and also that it happened before I learned that drinking = fun. Also I was moping after Charity. Also D. Yates played classic Namco games on their N64 as the sun rose - epic! OWN3D!

Not that I'm a haxxor or anything; my primary-use-not-even-mine computer is a P166. But anyway. We had champagne. I had three glasses. I would have had four or more, but everyone else only had one, plus they were starting to move stuff. I could have taken the bottle home, but my backpack is already stuffed, including an eight-pack of Moosehead Dry Ice, which was meant partially for the cast party I thought we might have had, but also for WrestleMania XX at Ross' place tomorrow night. Not that I'm not drunk now... yeah, it's just setting in. Joy. But I have to go home on the last 80 soon. Pity. Sara (smu_sara - no "h") from the Info Desk said she was going to Reflections, but I don't want to spend time and money just to be there when she might be, cool though she is.

I just got an e-mail from darkstarmasonry. Cool! I do remember meeting him at Joe's party, I think. That was at least my second time ever getting high, and it was almost as crazy as the first time I got high, which only thoughtboy (Joe) himself can attest to. I'm still not very comfortable with both weed and people at the same time. My self-conciousness seems to go into overdrive at the same time that my actions depart the realm of being self-aware at all. My brain constantly tries to solve paradoxes, but only arrives at other paradoxes. It is like I am constantly trying to put a square peg into a round hole, again and again and again, with no relief. Until I walk away from where the people are. Weed is like doing the cruellest thing you can to an aspie - making him (me) aware of it. But, the problem is still there. It really is a disorder, and knowing it is there, and knowing the right thing to do, does not make it go away. It's like when you look at the moon when it's near the horizon - it still appears much larger than normal to you, even if you are fully aware of the illusion. Only with the moon, you can bend over and look at it through the gap between your legs, or hold up a pill or dime to it, and the moon returns to its real size. I know of no such momentary cure for Aspeger's Syndrome.

All this said, I still like weed. It's a crazy sensation. I'd like to try it again in situations where I'm really comfortable. When I find one, I'll let you know.

Anyway, it was cool to get that e-mail from Vince and think back to old times, so to speak. I'm not sure if my life is any better or worse than it is then. Well, I hang around and talk to girls more, plus I'm graduating soon, so I feel like it's at least a bit better. Not that my life was ever worth complaining about - I'm as gifted as I am cursed. But I'd really like to meet a nice girl who's actually interested in me, before I'm like 40. But I've beaten down this dead horse a trillion times already, and I'm not going to do it now.

By the way, a lot of people don't read my diary entries because they are long and boring. I'm proud of them because I put a lot of care into crafting them, or at least I think I do. But maybe it's all just carefully orchestrated boring crap.

Well, it's barely two minutes to twelve. I'd better post this and see what my friends are up to, then hit the long road back to my house, where I can spend another Saturday night by myself. =) Oh well, I'm kind of looking forward to it, and I met all kinds of cool people doing this play. Maybe I'll talk more about it later.

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