"If I was the general manager (what would I do to improve the Leaf's chances)?"
"Commit suicide. ... Burke actually talked about still being in the playoff chase?"
"They didn't really raise that issue, but he-"
"There's no chance. You know that. ... Here's the statistic you want to take into consideration. Let me ask you, what do you think the chances are of the Maple Leafs winning twelve in a row?"
"Like, not even 0.01%? Zero, right?"
"Let me put it in context. For the Maple Leafs to make the playoffs, they would have to win twelve games in a row while the Montreal Canadiens, who are eighth currently, played at their current clip. Not better, not worse. If the Leafs won twelve in a row, they'd be tied with Montreal, at that point, and then would have to play slightly better than .500 hockey the rest of the way. If I took out the twelve wins in a row and said they'd have to play slightly better than .500 hockey, you'd say, 'There's like no chance of that happening.' So that's how far out of the playoffs they are.
"The caller is absolutely 100% accurate. The chances of the Toronto Maple Leafs making the playoffs, Ladies and Gentlemen, is ZERO. It is not 0.0001%, it is nothin'. There is no chance. I don't care how much you like this team. I don't care how big a fan you are. I don't care how optimistic you are. The chance of this team winning twelve in a row and then playing .500 hockey the rest of the way is NOTHING!
"Now, having said that, I have no solution. I am sorry. You have come to the wrong place."