On the other hand, it’s a bit embarrassing how Will Matheson, the struggling perpetually-between-things dilettante, differs from Mr. Matheson, the fun English, science and art teacher. I’m trying not to let that get me down though. Part of the problem in coming back has been discovering how things have not changed despite my own change – my modicum of growth in absentia might take a day or two to register on others, but I can see why they wouldn’t notice because I’m so busy gawking and second-guessing.
Part of coming back is taking advantage of all the insight I’ve picked up and applying it to my situations here. For the most part, I’m appalled at the things I have said and done and what their consequences have been, and I realize more and more every day how difficult I’ve made things for myself. It’s not all doom and gloom, but it’s enough to make me want to wish my life had a rewind / erase button, like an old cassette tape-based answering machine. In the present, I am bogged down by all the new information and new realizations that come at me at a mile-a-minute as I revisit old haunts and auld acquaintances. Eventually it will settle down and I’ll plateau again, and then I’ll have to go abroad again if I want to learn anything more than the very little I already know. =)
Still, I have a lot to look forward to. I’ve got friends – good friends, as they’re my friends in spite of my proclivities, and yet going back to school is definitely going to help kick-start my social life again. I have good friends, but more won’t hurt. Maybe I’ll meet people who are in the same boat that I am! It’s a little bit embarrassing not to be moving on to grad school (and I have a buddy who keeps saying I can and should be and wants me to apply for a specific program), but right now I need to embody Socratic honesty more than anything else. I’d like to do a little something about it, and then we’ll see where I go from there.
* * *
So now I’m in Souris, and my trip up was fine. The only thing was that it was cold and I was tired, and when I got out of the van in Charlottetown, I was dropping things on the pavement (like the adapters and batteries that go with my headphones) and I got a bit turned-around. Fortunately, Aunt Shirley and Grandma arrived quickly, and I got out of the cold and into the warm car.
We visited Dad at the Farmer’s Market where he was selling the lamb meat – I was so impressed by the cosmopolitanism of the place and the teeming crowds; it seemed like the place to be. Next we picked up some ski boots (at a rad shop from an incredibly cute clerk), and Aunt Shirley seemed to want me to get a haircut because despite my assertion that I was okay for a few days, we yet drove around looking for a place that would be open (it’s Saturday). =) We had lunch and later visited Uncle N. and Aunt D. and later (Grand) Uncle N. and (Grand) Aunt P. and then of course the farm in Albion Cross. Grandma had us worn out! =) Oh, she’s still going strong – she even made me a new pair of slippers! (I love Echo Christmases.)
So back in Souris I’m taking my things in and up to my room and I’m thinking hey when should I get started on my essay for S. at SMU and yeah I’ll write it on my laptop and where
* - Not what I actually said.
** - Fortunately, Aunt Shirley was across the street at the store.
I’d left it behind somewhere. I called the shuttle company and left a message. An anxious hour later I got a call:
“I was hoping someone would call in and claim this laptop!”
Here’s approximately what happened: A fellow noticed the bag on the parking lot pavement and suggested to the driver that it probably was left behind – so it was put back in the van for the run back to Halifax! Back there, the owner/operator took a look at it, but couldn’t find my name (it’s in there, but buried). She was tempted to call all of the day’s passengers about it, but refrained because she might ask someone, “Hey, did you leave a laptop on the shuttle?” and that person might say, “Um… … yes!”
So I dodged several bullets here and am supremely grateful. This is the most harrowing incident I’ve had with my computer save the time when a certain animatrice at Sainte-Anne backed her car into it when she was helping me move. =) Fortunately, a certain political blogger spoke up and I escaped with only a cracked (but still-working) mouse and a slight screen… <ahem> defect that I later got repaired under the last gasps of my warranty.
Well, it’s time for bed – more visiting rounds in the AM!