William Matheson (nova_one) wrote,
William Matheson
nova_one

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I still can't sleep, and this can't wait. I've always wanted to do this anyway. I've wronged so many people that are permanently out of reach and maybe by doing this I can hope they'll stumble across this entry whilst looking for their names in a search engine. Maybe then we can make peace with each other.

It's like I'm writing a suicide note except for the part about the suicide. The only thing of me that's dying is my personality.

Elena Wilkinson: I'm sorry for being such an ass to you in the corridor that time; maybe the only time we ever spoke to each other. You were so friendly to me that we ought to have been friends, though back then I was so ignorant and self-righteous that it would have been impossible.

Jena from Iona Presbyterian Church in Dartmouth: Since I can't find your last name, you probably won't get this. I'm sorry for not being friendlier the first time we met. I'm really sorry for not being more responsive to your admonitions that I was a cool guy.

Jena Banks: Well, I am of course sorry for going out of my way to "ignore" you in elementary school, but that's reasonably close to typical childhood behaviour. What I do apologize for is believing a bunch of sick internet freaks who had several instances of BackDoor Orifice and NetBus on my system who said they were angels and threatened all kinds of nasty things if I didn't believe them and follow their actions. It's easy to be clairvoyant when you're running a keystroke recorder on someone's system. So basically I am apologizing for weirding you out, although in this case I can understand if it is beyond all hope of repair.

Thomas Loper: I'm sorry for making fun of you. You have a lot of good qualities. I miss reading those Analog sci-fi stories to you. Oh, and collecting coins in the underwater levels of Super Mario Bros. will only gain you points and lives, no matter what Courtney next door told you about him needing to buy new boots afterwards.

Bradley MacDonald: Sorry for introducing myself at the Plowing Match a few years back by reffering to your snowmobile accident. I was at a loss and didn't know how to approach you and Derek. Did you even know who I was?

Cortney Oland: I'm sorry for being a self-righteous asshole about your past. Are you still in Texas? Drop me a line sometime; we did have a really good corespondence going, as I recall.

Amanda Laybolt: I'm sorry for making fun of you. You did nothing to deserve it except point out the blatantly obvious, and you were rarely mean about that. It's too bad there weren't more like you in Nova Scotia.

Paula MacDonald: I'm sorry for things that were beyond my control and soured any hope we might have had for a friendship. I admire your gregariousness.

Andrea Sharpe: or is it Phyllis Sharpe: In any case, I apologize to you the most out of anyone. Do you remember that time you were going to hug me after Nick Croscup cross-checked me? (1. Cross-checking (with the stick) isn't allowed in ice hockey. 2. Ball hockey, which we were playing, doesn't usually allow for checking, either. 3. Nick was on my own team.) I wanted more than anything to fall crying into your open arms. You were an angel of mercy, but my fear of being found to like girls (in Grade 9, ridiculous, I know... but I was made fun of so badly back in PEI that pretending not to like girls was my adaptation for survival and I didn't know when it was safe to be rid of it) made me tell you to leave me alone. I'm sorry for this more than anything else I have ever done. And I probably could have salvaged things if I knew what I was doing. For instance, I could have looked you in the eyes when we played table tennis. I wrote you notes all the time apologizing for what I did but I was too afraid to deliver them. As it was, I was writing them in a form of cryptography, anyway. I really miss you and what you meant to me back then. Please allow me to apologize as deeply as I can.

Sonjel Vreeland: You're by far the most recent of my sins against humanity; I'm sorry I belittled your unique perception of the world. I was prepared to die on the hill for every topic in that workshop, and I paid no attention to the meek, and I missed out on a lot of your intelligence.

Lindsey Campbell: Did I break a bracelet or necklace of yours as a child? I'm sorry. But thank you for allowing me to say that I went to school with a celebrity's cousin. =)

Nicole McCarthy: I actually felt that your hair was rather pretty. I was just envious.

Brandy MacClure: I'm sorry that we got so caught up in antagonistic rituals that our childhood friendship was destroyed. You really were my best friend then.

Shandel Short: That time I turned around and said what I said to you in Ms. Densmore's English 10 is about one of the most despicable things I've ever done.

Sarah Magee: I only objected to the eye piercing on "moral" grounds. Again, self-righteous bastard. You were pretty cool; what have you been up to? Are you still in Texas, too?

Gemma Scott: Despite what I said, I always admired you. I hope we can make peace at the 10-year reunion.

Wow, you know something? That was a powerful catharsis. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Mad props:

Brooke: Thank you for always being friendly and approachable and just awsome fun to talk to. You've helped me a lot.

Maybe this whole thing would be better off on willmatheson.com, but I think my LiveJournal is better indexed. At least, it sure looks a hell of a lot better than willmatheson.com... The people above are only a tiny, tiny fraction of the people I've grievously wronged, but the people above are mostly people I'm out of touch with, and moreover, have not yet made peace with.

Guess it's time for me to go to work. =)
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