05:42 pm - Ker-blam

Sometimes cockiness backfires. Less often than you may think it might, but sometimes it does. You have to watch your cadence, rhythm, and pay attention to the body language of your interlocutor (which you should always do anyway) - there are all kinds of factors at play.

Anyway, so I'm returning my towel at the gym. Once you throw it in the bin, they give back your ID card. "What's your name?" the girl asked.

"I'd have thought you'd memorized my name by now!" I smiled.

The expression she flashed said something like, "Wow, I would like to stab you with a fork."

Know your audience. That is all.

T. on Facebook made an excellent comment: "I think the critical component is your intonation. there is that 'this is obviously facetious' tone, which i do think you have." That might be the key: I was a little bit tired coming out and I wasn't as careful with my intonation as I usually am. I even felt a little off balance as the words spilled out of my mouth. It's not the content, it's the delivery.

Current Mood: rejected

01:09 pm - Flashback

I was up until 2 last night working on my physics assignment - it's not so much that it was hard, more that I had yet to solidify a lot of the concepts involved in the questions. I'm on my way to becoming a sixth-rate mathematician, but physics is helped along so greatly by an intuitive grasp of math, and this combined with the lightning speed of this particular session makes me feel like I'm only half-awake. Also, the classes are long. Ninety minutes of physics instruction per day is enough for me, thanks. When we're coming around to the 2 hour mark (out of three), I feel like getting up and leaving. Today I wasn't the only one - I think we were all a little spent after the assignment.

Today the teacher was talking about stupid math mistakes, like making sure that you multiply to undo division, as in how:

10 - 8 = (1/2)(v)^2

becomes:

2(10 - 8) = v^2
20 - 16 = v^2
4 = v^2
2 = v

and then he started laughing and asked the class, "Did anyone here go through CPA?"

I alone raise my hand half-heartedly.

"Anyone have Mr. Lyne?"

"Yes," I groaned. "I failed his class - I got a 16!"

He went on to talk about how Mr. Lyne had a coin jar that everybody paid into when they'd make a silly math mistake. The teacher joked that his own son probably singlehandedly funded the term-end pizza party.

You couldn't have said the same thing about me - I wasn't even doing the math, therefore I wasn't making mistakes. ;-) I was terrible - I started out relatively eager and OK, but suddenly things got away from me. It was a combination of my PEI elementary education, two years in a Seventh-Day Adventist school with abysmal math and science, and my own personal hatred of school borne from the daily strife and harassment I faced there - all that thrust upon a teenager is, in retrospect, a pretty good recipe for failure. Toss me in Mr. Lyne's no-nonsense, no-sailing math class, and I instantly crumbled. I ended up failing Math 10 three times with three different teachers: 16, 8, 25... and then the school gave me a "Trucker Math" 10 credit that I graduated with. I came back and got my Grade 11 and 12 Academic and I did pre-calculus this summer, but that year continues to haunt me. About the only pleasant thing I remember is Mr. Lyne's bread.

These days I know how to use my deficiencies to my advantage and make lemons out of lemonade, but in those days I didn't, and I wish someone had tried to show me - can't blame them, though, because I was busy pushing people away.

I was so throughly rejected by everyone that I started preemptively rejecting others - people would say hello to me in the corridors, and I'd coldly ignore them. I really became my own worst enemy, probably in order to avoid the pain of straight-up rejection, but ironically it brought much more pain than just accepting the inevitable rejections we all receive would have been.

I just can't believe how much I've learned this summer. Apparently, for me, the best way to learn about myself and about other people is to take a bunch of math and science courses!

* * *

It was good for me to admit my failure in Mr. Lyne's Grade 10 math to everyone, even though it was thirteen years ago. Earlier in today's class I think I ruffled some feathers when we were talking about how you have to use fundamental units when using Newton's laws to find an orbital radius, while with Kepler's 3rd law, you can use whatever you want, as it's just Radius^3 / Period^2 of your unknown object compared to known values Radius^3 / Period ^2 of another (such as Earth's, if you're talking about the Solar System). (Note that the Kepler shortcut only works in situations where we know the properties of one other orbiting body. Kepler described the situation, but it took Newton to explain it.) So I suggested that for Rearth, just write 1AU.

Since Rjupiter = Rearth (Pjupiter / Pearth)^(2/3)
12 years / 1 year = 12 [years cancel]
12^(2/3) = 5.24 * 1AU = 5.24AU = Rjupiter.

Isn't that fun? Quick and dirty, but over these distances, who really cares?

* * *

A buddy of mine dropped in here and asked me about my plans for the fall. A lot of people are asking me how long it will take me to get my B.Sc. I guess the B.Sc. is really just a signpost - it's just a symbol for an achievement, not the achievement itself. Accordingly, I'm not really fussed about when it comes. I really just want to be on track towards getting somewhere, and I don't really care where the road goes. For so long I was just going nowhere, save for temporal bliss in places like Poland and Sainte-Anne. (My buddy asked me if I'd take courses during the summers to speed things up on the science end. Perhaps, but I'll probably be trying to get more Explore bursaries if I can!) Now, now I'm going somewhere, and it's so mystifying to strangers that I really do have to say things like, "Well, I'm going to do astrophysics, because I always wanted to be a star!"

Current Mood: grateful

04:20 pm - I say libraries...

I'm taking a break from my physics assignment. I'll tell you why in a minute.

I had to pack up all of my things and come downstairs to write this. All the "recent-thefts" warnings discouraged me from leaving my things where they were. It's annoying when you just want to grab a snack or drink or look something up.

I don't own a netbook computer yet, and since laptops are too heavy to carry around every day, I just have my DSi. And it would be perfect for checking e-mail or making quick little factchecks, except for one thing: it lacks WPA2-PEAP support. Basically I can specify a "key," but not a separate username and password. I'm effectively locked out of the SMU wi-fi network until 1) Nintendo releases a system update or 2) I get a netbook computer. I suppose I could also get an iPhone or Blackberry - they'd theoretically be able to connect, but I'd really rather have the netbook. I'm waiting until Dell releases the 2GB version of the Mini 10 or 10v (both later this summer, I'm hearing), and then I'll be all over it. (Neither 2GB unit will have XP - only Vista or Linux. This is because of Microsoft's galling requirement that XP only be sold preinstalled on computers that ship with 1GB of RAM or less.)

Now, one could get the Mini 9 with Linux and 2GB, but its keyboard was just ever-so-slightly too small, and it's a moot point now because it's been discontinued. I could purchase a Mini 10 with Linux now, take apart the system and substitute a 2GB wafer for the existing 1GB, but that requires a deft hand and throwing out a perfectly good 1GB wafer. Since I should be able to buy the system the way I want it, I'm going to wait!

Anyway, I suppose it's a "good thing" I had to come down and use a workstation, because a post like this would be extremely tedious on a DSi. On the other hand, I would have had nothing to complain about, and I'd have cut directly to the joke:

* * *

I met a buddy of mine at Dal today to give him a game I purchased on his behalf:

- I'll be by campus shortly after 12 noon. Thanks again!
- Can i trouble vou to meet me at dal?
- Sure. Time?
- Library 1215?

So I'm standing in front of the library, and I get a phone call! Where am I at? Well, the library of cour-

Ha-ha! Turns out, because he was a law student, his natural inclination was to go to the Law Library, not the more widely known Killam Library. You know, where we lowly undergrads go for our library needs. ;-)

Since I'm reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, I've had the actual P&P on the brain, and just now I was thinking about how Mr. Collins would behave if he were a denizen of Saint Mary's:

"Yes, we have a fine Library, though it is nothing to the Libraries at Dalhousie - I say Libraries, for they have several - each fine in its own way, though my favorite is the Sexton Design & Technology Library..."

Current Mood: chipper

07:10 pm - One reason not to use PayPass...

Just searched my wallet and my room for a non-expired credit card without PayPass. And I found one, a nice shiny silver one, which will be good for another two years. This is important, and you'll see why in a moment.

* * *

So I'm at the SuperStore, and I'm picking a register. One cashier catches my eye, so I go to her lineup. Now, you have to be extremely careful about this. If it's obvious that you're singling her out because she's attractive, you're pretty much dead in the water. I had a comeback ready if her body language indicated that she was offended by this: "Hey, don't flatter yourself, you just had the shortest line." Fortunately, it was not needed!

She smelled very nice, she smiled, she even had a hungry look in her eyes. The indications were enough to try something. So I put my part of the grocery order through and I figured I'd surreptitiously write my number down on the merchant's copy of the credit card receipt. Hey, no harm in trying, right?

But lo and behold, I handed her my card, she noticed it had PayPass, and she moved it over the beeper. No signature required. The transaction and the opportunity had passed.

I laughed about it to myself, and determined that I'll try again next week... this time, with a card that doesn't have PayPass. ;-) I could also request cash back on a debit transaction, but that would create too much confusion, and besides I don't want to be opening my wallet in front of her - unless it's filled with $100 bills, she might as well not see it at all, and I don't have the money to be attracting people with the "I'll buy you things" shtick anyway. To twist a phrase used by a relative, "I'm the play guy, not the treat guy."

The game continues! By the way, everyone, I hate weekends. Why? Because there's no bloody bus service and I'm basically sequestered here the whole time as a result. I can't use my stepfather's wheelchair van for generic hanging out, and I don't want to use my mother's truck at all because she leaves her horse junk in it all the time and it smells like the inside of a stable. What a waste of a new truck - god, it would be a total babe magnet!! I'll just have to do the best I can with what I've got until I can find something better. Maybe I can segue a potential chemistry co-op into full time work before I actually get a B.Sc, and then just do the rest of the degree more slowly - I really can't stay here for very much longer.

Current Mood: contemplative

10:29 am - Pride and...

Awful Man Offers Witty, Acerbic Take On Everything He Sees - The Onion

I first read this article a while ago and remarked on the character's personal resemblance. But it wasn't until last night that I realized something more profound.

Generally, I have a slap or sting in my remarks, and I've been semi-consciously using them to drive people away. But why? Is it because I still fear being judged and rejected, to the point where I cut people off before they even get to make that choice? I act smug and proud. It's OK to be proud, but it's not good to injure the pride of others with my putridly odious remarks.

Being harassed and picked on all through school has left me with the legacy of always looking for the quick comeback, even when it isn't warranted. I think from now on I will try this, and use my predilection to my advantage: When a remark springs to mind, before releasing it I will first think about phrasing it in an inviting way (or not saying it at all). I should probably also think about what people will find funny, but let's take this one step at a time. Besides, there's little harm in making an unfunny joke, but there's a lot of damage done in making cruel jokes, funny or unfunny. (The funny ones are sometimes forgiven, but generally only by friends.)

I also have this idea that using slight left-handed compliments is an important tool when meeting women. While the jury may still be out on it, I grabbed onto this idea a little too enthusiastically, and used this idea as a means to pour out my acerbic barbs without shame or remorse. I'm definitely reevaluating this strategy, among others. I'm much closer to being the person I want to be than I was a few months ago, but I still have a long way to go.

See also: Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 5

Current Mood: awake

04:56 pm - cell phone FYI

Now that my prepaid balance (built up when I was in Japan and topped off month to month since then) has finally been exhausted, I've gone back to postpaid (mercifully without a contract). This means I now have:

- Unlimited texting. (I believe it was 15¢ per text while on prepaid. I built up a Twitter habit anyway. Now I'll be Twittering like crazy.)
- Unlimited nights and weekends starting at 9pm. (A tad late, but back in the day I found I didn't use the early n/w as much as I thought I would. More to the point, I rarely exceed my regular allotment of minutes anyway.)
- 200 daytime minutes per month. (On prepaid I paid 25¢ per minute at any time.)
- 10-message voicemail. (On prepaid I could only carry 3 messages at a time - although that was pretty much always enough.)
- And, for this month only, unlimited local calls. So for the rest of July all y'all can call me in the broad daylight of weekdays and not worry about my minutes. You're welcome, you're welcome, no, thank you. Please. You're very welcome. Ha-ha, stop it!

And, as always, the number is 877-WILL. ;-)

Current Mood: bouncy

06:29 pm - things are working out...

I had a great workout today - my back pain was almost non-existent, and I ran faster and biked further* than ever. Did some stuff with free weights - not scary at all, not like I thought. You want scary - check out some of the tattooed guys in the weight room. We're talking arms with the circumference of oak trees, but harder. I tend to stay in the cardio room! ;-)

As I showered, remarking how little pain I felt compared to the last time I was in the locker room doing such, I realized exactly why I'd screwed up my back! You will probably laugh.

See, there's this girl I know - I left a message on her voice mail, and to riff on her statement that she was bad with her phone, I sang the following into the mouthpiece:

I could be yours pretty baby
Yours and yours alone
But let me tell you honey
You're bad with your phone
B-b-b-b-b-b-b-baaaaaad
Bad with your phone

It must have been a hit, because the next thing I knew I got a Facebook message saying that she wanted to hang out the next day. I think I raised my arms and shouted "YESSSSSS!" and pumped my fists and danced around my room and somewhere in there I probably moved in a way I shouldn't have. The pain didn't hit me until I woke up the next morning.

Anyway, as far as that particular girl goes, well, you can't win 'em all - and if you can, sometimes not right away**. ;-)

* - Since I was on a stationary bike, I think the metaphorical "further" is highly appropriate.

** - Not that I'm an advocate of living in false hope. There's a fine line between simply leaving things open and waiting desperately!

Current Mood: happy

05:52 pm - GRITSKRIEG!

Liberal majority decimates* Tories

• How will the liberals create these desperately-needed jobs when the government is strapped by an annual deficit of more than $35 billion?


• How will Chretien restore hope to a public so embittered by the traditional political process that they savaged the old-line Tories and New Democrats and gave their votes to the neophyte Bloc Quebecois and Reform parties?


• How can the new government preserve national unity when one of the two main opposition leaders declared Monday the results clearly show there are actually “two countries in this country” pending Quebec sovereignty?

Current Mood: accomplished

12:47 am - more free advice! (sort of)

I'm in pain. There's this knot or something in my back that is just gnawing away at me. It's like a parasite has attached itself to me and is sucking out all my energy. It could be from lifting something I shouldn't have, it could be from my super-heavy backpack (I'm sick of carrying so much stuff around all the time), it could also be something I did at the gym.

I've been thinking a bit about what I wrote yesterday. I have some revisions and additions. Perhaps someday it will form a book! It could easily end up being a collaborative work, because people do not hesitate to share their opinions on these matters! ;-)

- Never, ever give women what they want. Unless you're already with them, then doing so occasionally is permissible. Never buy women things either, for the same reason: If you pay for her ticket or for her meal, it's like you're paying her to be there with you. Hell, if you want that, there are escort services available for that kind of thing. And in that case you'll actually get something for your money, instead of a lot of heartache and anguish.

This is the viewpoint at its most extreme. I must admit that I have been taken advantage of in the past and am wary of it happening again - so I embraced this philosophy perhaps too wholeheartedly!

Let's be more precise. Giving women things because you want them to like you is what's actually bad. Doing things out of simple kindness or common courtesy is okay. But I must note that it's important that you extend this same kind of courtesy to everyone - don't single out the woman you're interested in, at least not right away. I still think singling out sends a poor message, unless you're actually the provider type and have the capital to do that. I could see maybe paying for your date's coffee on a first outing, but dinner? Actually, you shouldn't even be eating (out) on a first date.*

But you could eat! My cousin and her husband's first date was actually him coming over and making dinner for them! This worked, because they're both gourmands. I could ruin cereal, so I'm going to need a different tack. Hey, anyone been to the Art Gallery lately? Go on Thursday, they're open until 9, and admission is by donation. Just a suggestion...

- Never go out of your way to pay a woman you're interested in a compliment. Funny left-handed compliments are far better. (Try not to be simply irritating, though. This is something else I'm working on, and it will get easier and more natural with time.) Definitely compliment the crap out of her friends, though. If you're paying a woman a compliment, or if you're that guy who's dumbstruck by her beauty, the message you're putting in her head is, "Hmmm, I wonder if I can do even better?" Everyone's always trying to upgrade!

I still think this is true. However, when I swung away from being over-nice over-complimentary, like a released pendulum I swang into super-harsh super-mean mode. Neither extreme works. I think, though, given time, the pendulum will settle in the middle, and I'll be in a happy median. It's already happening. (Hey, my back pain is going away, too! But just wait until I try to sleep, eh?)

Aside: Our entire lives are the "game." It's all about who's with who. Almost all of society is just a reflection of permutations of the game. (Which we just lost, by the way.) Everywhere that's not your own house is the field. There is nothing wrong with making yourself attractive - nobody complains when women do it - good Lord, have you seen the magazine stands at grocery checkouts lately? Yeah, be yourself - be your better self! (Although some would say physical accoutrements are different than the ones of personality, it would be hilarious if women were suddenly advised to never wear make-up because they weren't "being themselves.")

- Keep working on this stuff, and don't give up. Rome wasn't built in a day. You will make these mistakes again, and you will suffer failures, which you'll have to pick yourself up from. But I think you will also find that, given time and practice, you will find greater successes, fewer failures, and your failures will hurt you less, since there'll be more opportunities around the bend. Now get out there and swing for the fences!

This is probably the most important idea of all. Sometimes there just isn't a there there. Don't take it personally. Just take your failures as learning experiences and move on. There are lots of people out there who we can be happy with (note that this is not saying such will solve your problems - at some level, you're really just trading one set for another), and there are lots of options out there if you're doing things right. An aside: Today I was notified that I cracked the top 100 of my friends for "Who is more confident?" (For comparison, for Best Taste in Music I rank in the 800s - a fairly meaningless category, but let's see what happens when I add Scooter! ;-) That's nice, because that's a reflection that things are heading in the right direction, setbacks aside.

Can't quit now. At the gym today I discovered that I really need to work on my balance! Fortunately there are core exercises that I will be doing that will help with that! And with better control I will be able to sing even better and do many things more gracefully - even things like getting on and off the bus (not easy when you have a zillion pounds of stuff!). (Ah, actually, I think we'd all like to change that to gracefully getting in and out of our Mercedes. But all in good time.) More realistically, it will help me alpine / Nordic ski more effectively!

Ryan told me the other night that I am the king of wishful thinking, and in a sense he's right. But since I'm doing, not just wishing, I don't feel so helpless. Like I just went on an outing tonight and I'll tell you straight up that it went a bit awkwardly. A few months ago, a similar experience would have had me wailing in despair. Today I just reflect on what I did and didn't do well, don't take it personally, and call it a learning experience. If I can make the same mistakes fewer than three times each, I should be okay eventually. ;-)

No pun intended...

Current Mood: sore

05:32 pm - Ale jestem geniuszem w Polska...

Current Mood: mischievous

01:44 pm - free advice!

Warning: There will be some stinging truths expressed in this post, and I will be using all of the colourful metaphors at my disposal.

What follows are some of the vitally important ideas that have sprung from what I've been reading and experiencing. Men and women alike can use many of these things, although a few are of specific concern to men and merely of interest to women.

- Never, ever give women what they want. Unless you're already with them, then doing so occasionally is permissible. Never buy women things either, for the same reason: If you pay for her ticket or for her meal, it's like you're paying her to be there with you. Hell, if you want that, there are escort services available for that kind of thing. And in that case you'll actually get something for your money, instead of a lot of heartache and anguish.

- Beauty is a fine thing, isn't it? But why is it there? Why does it turn men into nervous piles of mush? The purpose of beauty is to weed out the losers who are dumbstruck by it. Don't be that loser. And for heaven's sake, don't stare. I've been guilty of this behaviour myself, embarrassingly recently.

- Never go out of your way to pay a woman you're interested in a compliment. Funny left-handed compliments are far better. (Try not to be simply irritating, though. This is something else I'm working on, and it will get easier and more natural with time.) Definitely compliment the crap out of her friends, though. If you're paying a woman a compliment, or if you're that guy who's dumbstruck by her beauty, the message you're putting in her head is, "Hmmm, I wonder if I can do even better?" Everyone's always trying to upgrade!

- Some women (usually ones with serious psychological issues) will prey on men who are insecure and who will do anything for them. (I "dated" one such woman for two months. It was a sick farce.) Run away, far away, and get your shit together so it doesn't happen again... unless you want to have the rest of your life under the control of this person and her psychic-vampire, responsibility-avoiding narcissistic bullshit.

- Everybody's trying to dress up the mating game with amorphous, vapid theories about being yourself and "not looking," and saying that the person inside matters more than the person outside. A lot of it is pure bullshit (looks matter more in many contexts), though some of the things I'll grant to be half-truths:

You can't just be yourself. If that really worked, why would you be miserable? I'm willing to bet money that, deep inside, "you" are a whiny little kid that wants everything your own way, am I right? Adulthood is about using your brain and not just reacting to everything emotionally. (We all slip sometimes, me included, and you don't even need me to say how awful it makes us look.) When you take control of yourself, you're not just being yourself - you're being your best self.

And let's not forget to tackle the infamous "the way to get a woman is not looking" example. Sure, if you present the fact that you're looking in this fashion: "OMG I'm such a depraved, lonely POS because I'm looking for a mate" then bloody hell yes, looking is bad. As Dan Savage would say (he says it in the context of letting your partner know what's "on the menu," but I think it can be applied here), don't present it like you have cancer. Present it like you're a hot item! Like, holy shit, you're out on the market! This is a limited opportunity! And smile, wink, and laugh. (My hands-down favourite quote from Neil Strauss' "The Game" is actually these words from a guy called Juggler: "Laughter is the best seduction." I think for my part I will make my jokes slightly less acerbic and actually express greater interest in other people. ;-)

- Ah, yes, actually being that hot item. My formula for this involves a lot of work, but I can say that the work has been its own reward, and it hasn't all been misery and drudgery - quite the contrary, in fact. Since returning from Japan, I've thrown myself into learning and doing. This summer (and it's only half-finished!) has been the most enriching I've ever had! Believing in yourself takes work - you need to be engaged in things that interest and captivate you, and find success and gratification in them. (And buy some nice clothes that fit you, while you're at it. If you're a man, ideally you should walk up to a counter attended by two ladies and ask the less attractive one to help you. The time I did this, I never had a more helpful or attentive clerk!)

- Along the way, don't feign humility. If you're lucky enough to receive a compliment, accept it sincerely. Thank the other person for acknowledging what you already know about yourself. Isn't that a more honest, less manipulative approach? And besides, to use a baseball metaphor, you want to communicate the fact that you're around to hit home runs or throw perfect games, not hit bloop singles or load the bases. As much as it's true that we don't deserve majority credit for what we are (chiefly because we had no control over who we were born as), it's also true that, in the long run, your success is not a fluke. Don't treat it that way.

- If you are the least little bit successful, you will attract a great deal of criticism. Think about it: What's your first reaction when you hear that someone (who isn't already your friend) has been successful at such-and-such? You try to rationalize it, you try to take them down a peg. Everybody's going to be doing that to you. Criticisms are often compliments in disguise. So know this: not everybody's going to like you, and some will not like you because you're actually worth something, because you're doing things differently than everybody else, because you've found a modicum of success.

- It's amazing how these ideas all fit together like pieces of a puzzle! Don't seek approval! Gosh, I've been guilty of this too, sometimes on a quarter-hourly basis! So why shouldn't we seek approval? Simple: Seeking approval is usually a pretty good sign that you're afraid of criticism. If you're afraid of criticism, it's a sign you are unwilling to do your own thing and succeed, or a sign that you have in the past but have stepped back (this happened to me in grade school and I'm only now recovering from it). Don't seek approval. Don't seek approval. You are the only judge that matters in the end, after all.

- Keep working on this stuff, and don't give up. Rome wasn't built in a day. You will make these mistakes again, and you will suffer failures, which you'll have to pick yourself up from. But I think you will also find that, given time and practice, you will find greater successes, fewer failures, and your failures will hurt you less, since there'll be more opportunities around the bend. Now get out there and swing for the fences!

Current Mood: chipper

03:43 pm - BSc admission / advisement

Dear Ms [],

I was speaking to Messrs [] and [] in Admissions today about applying for entry to the BSc program here at Saint Mary's. I have already a BA and Cert. Hons. (English) from this university.

I have been studying at Dalhousie this summer in order to obtain the prerequisites. I believe I specified for the records to be sent to SMU as they are made available, but I will confirm this after my pre-calculus course is complete (I write the final examination on Monday). I have completed chemistry with a final grade of 93. I'm anticipating a good or very good grade from pre-cal, and I start physics on July 2nd and finish on the 30th.

Messrs [] and [] indicated a willingness to admit me without waiting for the physics mark to come in, but they gave me your card and suggested that I contact you and solicit your input. Specifically, I'm wondering what the requirements for a BSc will be after taking into account my BA + Hons. Cert. and the courses taken therein. My student number is [], my science courses so far include AST 215/216 (can count as a general elective, but not a lab science), CSC 226/227 (counts as a lab science, IIRC)... I also have GPY 206 (Computers & GIS), GPY 203 (Physical Geography), AST 217 (Life in the Universe), and PSYC 1200, but I don't know if they'll impact much, if at all. You'll probably notice as you look at my transcript that I was only nominally interested in some aspects of English, especially literary criticism.

Looking at the lay of the land, I think it would be best for me to take:
- Calculus (needed for everything) (6 c. hours)
- Physics (needed for astrophysics) (9 c. hours)
- Chemistry (suggested for astrophysics) (6 c. hours)
- Astronomy 205/206 (6 c. hours)
for a total of 27 c. hours / 4.5 credits in my first year.

This way I can try out astronomy and see if I can hack it, while still having an opening for chemistry, or perhaps do both or something else entirely. An important consideration is employment - I understand there is a co-op program for chemistry, but understandably not for astrophysics... ;-) I'm setting a goal for myself to be out on my own next summer by hook or by crook and am looking for sensible ways to achieve this. One potential problem I have is that I do not yet speak French - I can communicate at a bare-bones barely-conversational level, but I will need to take courses - I may take French courses along with everything else if I can fit it in.

If there are any gotchas, any things I haven't anticipated / planned for, please let me know. Thank you for the time you've invested in reading this sight unseen. I look forward to meeting with you in the near future (perhaps after my final grade from pre-cal has been sent down from Dalhousie).

Sincerely Yours,
- William Matheson

Current Mood: excited

02:33 pm - Burninating

I totally rocked my math test this morning. I also had the rare experience of actually understanding and having a comfort level with everything that was presented in the second half of the class (after the test). I can do this! Never let yourself be told that you can't do math - if lazy and impatient people like me can do it, you can too!

So it's the same old story - out kicking butt and taking names. Better make some time to practise my duets or C. will kill me and it'll shake poor S. off her rhythm. I'm thinking a lot - the mornings are the hardest for me: my brain is groggy and slow and it leaves me with too much room to worry. The rest of the time is not so bad, though! Things make sense in a way that they never did before - my life is rich and vibrant and filled with possibilities in a way it never seemed to be before.

The troubles are these:

1) I have a hard time focusing on one thing - there is a Japanese proverb that says 多芸は無芸 (たげい は むげい - tagei wa mugei), "Too many accomplishments make no accomplishment." A book I have shows a picture of a guy playing four instruments at once while the townsfolk look on, wincing and covering their ears. A friend recently said to me, "You're so good at everything you try - I'm so jealous!" I'm clearly not good at humility, though - don't test me there. ;-) She also hasn't seen me bowl. (For what it's worth, I used to fake humility and that was worse. If you're lucky enough to be in a position to receive compliments, accept them graciously and with a smile!)

2) Despite my epiphany of last week, I sense that I'm yet putting some people off. Much like anybody else, I'm still learning the ropes - being a newcomer to the real game of life, I make plenty of mistakes, but I pick up on them on my own and learn from them on my own. I've got a tougher hide now, and I imagine people will call me insensitive (especially those who knew me before).

This is kind of a joke, though, because I never was a sensitive person, excepting as regards myself (and yes, it was as odious as it sounds - I thank my friends for having called me on it when the chips were down). I could / can be considerate, but trying extra hard to be a "gentle, caring soul" was a little ridiculous. I mean, I care - I just have a funny way of expressing it. I do a lot of things my own way, and I have far less shame about it - that's the basic way I roll, which may not suit everyone, though it's certainly a place to build from.

Still, it's a much better set of problems than what I had before! And I got a 93 in chemistry. WOOT

Current Mood: excited

05:49 pm - a trancedental moment on a bench

I finally figured out what those broader implications were. I have been, up until this point, so monumentally insecure about myself (far beyond the healthy insecurity shared by all), to the point where I was utterly disbelieving that anyone could possibly like* me. (To this end, I was sitting on a bench thinking, “I’m a horrible person!”** and then I thought, “Now, wait just a second. Am I really that different?”) It often goes down like this: I make a friend, and then I wonder why.

So let’s say you’re meeting someone you’re trying to impress. That’s only human, of course. But if you are convinced that it’s impossible for others to like you, you can’t stop at being yourself. No, you have to put on airs, grind, force things. And that drives those very people (not to mention others) away. And in the end, you end up even further convinced that you’re unlikable.

Fortunately, when I realized I had this problem, I also recognized the solution: I just have to be friendly, considerate, helpful, and in casual situations utilize the advantages that I have (like I hope all of you use yours) without worrying about whether I’m using the right formula in a situation – there’s no surer way to become a complete tool. (There are ways to successfully use formulas, but I’ve decided to leave the learning and use of them to the otherwise talent-poor people who actually need them.) Sure, not everyone will like me. Few people are universally likeable, and those that are are usually on the other side of the grass. But not actively driving people away is a pretty good place to start!

Some of you might wonder who I got to be so insecure in the first place. I have to wordlessly point to school. I went in pretty OK – I was a happy child – but I came out fairly deranged.

Nothing that good weather, summer school (math sure clears the head!), and the advice of a few acquaintances-turned-friends can’t help, though. I almost wish I hadn’t spent all those summers out of town. I missed out on a lot.

* - I'm using "like" broadly here.

** - I’d blame my Christian upbringing for instilling me with the notion that we’re all (especially you!) depraved sinners and ipso facto bad people, but blame is useless because you could just as easily say that I’m to blame for not having stood up to the implicit and explicit efforts made to indoctrinate me. I think I’ve finally found my most personally meaningful argument against religion yet.

Current Mood: satisfied

09:19 pm - Will 10K

All my el-jay / RSS friends in the Halifax area are welcome to come out to Oasis on Thursday for my 10,000th day party, "Will 10K." Actually, I don't know if I really have any regular local readers who aren't already IRL friends, but just in case! The Facebook event is here, and you are welcome to add yourself to it should you desire. The things to know: 7:30pm, Thursday, Oasis, 25¢ chicken wings! As always, 877-WILL for the latest.

Current Mood: excited

04:13 pm - one party to another

If hosting a party on Friday night was taking a step forward, I took two steps back the next night. However, let’s just look at the party:

It was an unqualified success. Nobody looked down their nose about where I lived, which surprised me. And there were lots of people. I remember thinking I would be lucky to get six. In fact, we got to just shy of twenty. The party really took off when D.S. suggested removing the coffee table from the living room. (Next time we’ll start without it.)

The only thing was, it did wind down kind of early, because people were driving / had to work the next day / were taking the bus home. I think next time more people will come prepared to crash and we’ll squeeze out a few extra hours.

I was really happy to have held this party – I’ve always wanted to have one since my friend Joe’s epic party of long ago. It was on a much smaller scale, sure, but it had that same aura of speciality. Some of his guests said it was the best party they’d ever been to. One of mine said the same thing.

In fact, it was a much more fulfilling achievement than getting a 97 on my chemistry mid-term, because this way I was making other people happy, too. I also felt validated by the fact that people liked my hastily-thrown-together playlist! (I’d been scoring ridiculously low on “Who Has the Best Taste in Music?” in Facebook’s Compare People application, which prompted me to specify in the party information that I was not known for my taste in music. I’d sure like to reverse that trend.)

There was so much going on in a few short hours that I neglected to do most of the activities / diversions planned. The party just morphed into its own self-sustaining rhythm, and it did so early on. Also adding a welcome anchor to the real world was the most important hockey game of the decade, which I maddeningly only saw five minutes of, but at least everyone will remember where they were when the Penguins won the Cup. =)

Now, as for the next night, picture the puffed up balloon of ego blinding my eyes, such that I inevitably walk into a spike-lined wall and pop it. To make a long story short, I forgot that when a friend invites me to a birthday party, they want *me* at the party, not whatever personality experiment I may be trying that has the prime effect of turning me into an arrogant blowhard. (This may actually work for some guys, but for me it's been the experience of a walrus performing ballet.) If I can’t find a happy medium (or, as would have been appropriate in this case, a happy tenth), I really ought not to be attempting this kind of thing at all. I may just be better off with sincerity – especially with my friends! What was I thinking? (Only about myself, it seems.)

As to the broader implications from that question, I’m going to have to kick them down the road a piece. For now, let’s be happy we survived this crazy weekend.

Current Mood: pensive

04:16 pm - the missing review sheet, deity

I may have to go back on my promise to score a 70 on that test! I lost my review sheet with all of the questions I was going to complete!! What a waste of an afternoon! I got my homework finished, but the material covered in today's class (and tonight's homework) isn't on the test.

I just have to chill out and remind myself that all I REALLY have to do is score a 70% or higher on the final and I'm safe. But really, who'd want to have to rely on that? I was really hoping that I'd perform this time, and I was going to pull out all the stops. I'll still be able to go through my notes, but it won't be quite the same thing and not nearly so good practice as doing all the review questions would have been. I could just cry, really.

I could fire her off an e-mail and see if she has a digital copy? I doubt it, though - the review looked like it was put together on a copier and it has a lot of handwriting. I'll ask anyway. And I'll do the assignment that would ordinarily be due on Tuesday tonight, since some of the concepts from it will surely be on the test.

* * *

So earlier this afternoon I'm doing my homework in the Chase and someone from the class asks me where he can get a Tim's coffee. He later comes back and chats casually and asks if he can sort of watch me work. Well, alright... People say that I seem smart, but I'm probably just astute and stubborn. I don't have the background in math to be particularly smart about it. My eraser has been my erstwhile friend this whole term.

He watches me work in silence.

"Do you believe in God?"

Oh, no. I knew from the frequent eye contact that something was up.

I suppose it's a fair question, but you always get the impression that someone is at least wishing to convert you to their religious beliefs. Still, a dose of discomfort every once in a while is a good thing for me - I'll tread more and more carefully should there again be call for me to state my eschewal of such beliefs.

The worst is when people cite a "plan" that "works in mysterious ways." As if we can wrap up yesterday's rain, missing the bus, 9/11, the Eastern Front, and the girl who smiled at you last week all into "God's plan." Please. It's far, far easier to believe there is no plan - and if there is a God, he doesn't matter.

Well, off to my voice lesson...

He also asked me if my parents were church-goers. Well, yes. Hell, my uncle and stepmother are ordained ministers - which my father has mentioned my becoming on more than one occasion, because I don't need math. It's a very interesting concept - it leads me to think that math and religion are inverse functions of each other. I'm sure there are a few religious folks who have found math, but I think there are fewer mathematicians who have "found" religion.

Update, 06/17: I scored a big honking 82%! Not only did my guarantee come through, but I also feel like I'm starting to get this stuff. Sure, my factoring and fraction skills are still fair, but I'm scrambling my way up to the top of this stuff! No lifetime of serving hamburgers for me! ;-) (To see what I mean by this, click here and read the bottom section on "Mathematics.")

Current Mood: anxious

09:24 pm - woosh

Current Mood: excited

10:39 pm - Paul and Pop Culture

So it's my nephew Nathaniel's fifth birthday tomorrow, and my stepfather (his grandfather) is in talks with his daughter about what to get him. He says to me:

"Angie said he likes Star Trek, or Star Wars, or something... I can't remember what."

"Probably Star Wars." Most preschoolers aren't really into Star Trek - I remember resenting my foster brother for watching the original series on CBC Saturday afternoons when I wanted to watch something else.

"Is it still on TV?"

I laugh. "It's a cinematic franchise. There are TV spin-offs, but it's based on films. They've stopped making films for now, but they put out a spin-off film last year."

Later we're getting into the van. We sat there for half an hour with the "light edition" of the Yellow Pages, calling all manner of department stores in search of Star Wars-themed bedsheets.

"Angie says he already has a Dark Vater mask and a night-stick."

We were unsuccessful, but we ended up getting a Star Wars Lego set at the Bedford Wal-Mart. Just about everything was Clone Wars-era themed, but even among that we still got a decent set that had a Jedi starfighter, a Droid fighter, Jedi warrior, astromech unit, buzz droids - the whole nine yards.

Nathaniel's a pretty lucky grandson if you ask me! ;-)

Current Mood: accomplished

09:00 pm - Anyone good with tools?

I'm trying to open up my SNES to get the tabs out of it so that it will be able to play Super Famicom games without the use of an adapter. I got a game bit off eBay, but either the bit was useless or I was - I think I ended up stripping it and / or the screws, as I only could get two out of the six screws out of the bottom of my system. If anyone is good at removing small stripped screws, I'd love to hear from you. There may be a small cash reward involved for the successful operation.

This page shows what the deal is and the tabs I need to get at and remove. I hacked a good piece off of one of them with a pair of pliers, but I didn't get enough of it - I need to get the case off and get in there with a rotary tool (like a Dremel).

Update: Adam at The 2nd Last Gamestore offered to perform the surgery for me, and the next day I came in and he did it all right in front of me. Now I can play the Super Famicom games I brought with me from Japan (with prices between $3 and $7 they were too inexpensive to resist picking up). My Super Nintendo is getting old and glitchy, but it still plays Super Mario Kart, Star Fox, Street Fighter II Turbo (learning combos is hard work!), Super Mario World, Donkey Kong Country II... does the Super Game Boy work? Yes. I had it at Mike's place the other night and it wouldn't play his imported copies of Final Fantasy IV and V, which was disappointing - I'm now convinced that it's my system and not the cartridges, so I probably need a new or working used SNES - I'll keep my eyes open. There are clones out there like the FC Twin, but I'd much rather have the Real Deal™ - I've seen one in action, and it seems they can be kind of glitchy, perhaps due to the fact that they use systems-on-a-chip instead of the original parts.

Current Mood: chipper